Commentary on fashion at the Golden Globes

I realize that I am not famous, and own little that is actually designer. But, I think I have pretty good fashion sense, and manage to clean up pretty well when I step out for the night. So, I figured I'd try my hand at some fashion commentary for this year's Golden Globes. Here goes...

One distubing thing I found while looking through these 40+ photos is that apparently when you're old, your whole body is no longer worth taking a picture of. For example, Helen Mirren and Meryl Streep. Both are lovely women, but apparently whatever they decided to wear to the Golden Globes wasn't worth the film. I guess that must have to do with the fact that their boobs aren't pinned to their chins like the younger actresses.

Second, a quick note on the men. Are there really many ways to change how a tux looks? Not really. Yes, you can mix things up a bit with the shirt and tie, but the rest of the ensemble is pretty much stock.

The Good
OK, with that out of the way, let's start with the the real winners for the night:
Reese Witherspoon
Vavavavavoom. Reese is just nothing short of graceful and beautiful, and look at those shoes! I love the combination of yellow and red. Her hair looks fabulous, too. Eat your heart out Ryan Phillipe.

Sheryl Crow
She's glowing, literally. Eggplant is a beautiful color to accent her hair color and skin tone. And unlike the other gowns from this evening where layers of fabric swallow up a figure, Sheryl Crow's dress still gives her shape without actually hugging her body. Eat your heart out Lance Armstrong.

Maggie Gyllenhall
I love Maggie, and she looks stunning for having a baby a few months back. She's very beautiful in a very non conventional way.

The Bad
Next, we have the ones that were almost good, but had something awry:
Hilary Swank
I actually think the dress is really cute, despite the wrinkled area around the middle. As a woman, I know that it's really hard to keep formal dresses looking as nice as they did after you got them pressed. The problem that I have is that her accessories are a bit understated, and the hair is a little young for her. A bracelet, a little bit larger earring or a necklace, and a soft upswept hairdo would have been really cute with this.

Felicity Huffman
It's a beautiful color for her, and the upper part of the dress is nice. But the bottom leaves a bit to be desired. It takes the focus away from her lovely upper half and makes you wonder what's swallowing her from below.

Jenna Fischer
The whole thing would be really cute if the dress accentuated her figure a bit better. As it is now, it's a bit blobby looking. But, she's still georgous.

Ellen Pompeo
She's beautiful, white looks great on her, and her accessories and hair are spot on. However, her makeup is a bit heavy and the style of the dress is odd. Perhaps she thought that if she happened to run late to the award ceremony, someone could just pull the fabric that loops from her hip to her shoulder and fling her like a rubberband.

The Ugly
OK, and now for the fun ones. These fall into my "what the hell?" category:
Beyonce Knowles
I love Beyonce Knowles, but her fashion sense can be hit and miss. Unfortunately, I think that her dress for the Golden Globes falls into the miss category for me. First, what's with this pose? She must have lost her mind for a minute and thought that she was suddenly Marilyn Monroe filming Gentlemen Prefer Blondes or something. Second, the dress is flashier than the sun, which should be the first sign that something has gone horribly wrong with an outfit. I've always been of the mindset that a little something flashy here or there equals a good accessory. So when the whole dress fits that bill, I think you've gone a bit far.

Patricia Arquette and Rosanna Arquette
Apparently these two decided to fashion their dresses from their own furniture. Patricia Arquette went for that kinda rock n' roll leather look paired with a traditional dress style, while Rosanna Arquette decided just to pull out grandma's tablecloth and dye it blue. Shudder.

Shonda Rhimes
Oh, where do I start with this one? I think it's my winner for worst dressed from the photos that I've seen. First, it looks like she took the Arquettes' idea and decided to make a dress out of fabric that was clearly meant to be drapes or a bedspread - and an ugly set of drapes or bedspread, at that. Second, she took what might be a cute bow on some other dress, and decided to throw it on here for good measure. Good thing that she built pockets into the dress, or she might misplace her keys or the numbers of the numerous designers who are probably clamoring to stop her from appearing anywhere else looking like this ever again. You know, it reminds me of a dress that I wore to church when I was roughly 8 years old. That was a good 20-ish years ago now, and although I'm aware that 80s fashion is making a renewed appearance, this is still out.

Gillian Anderson
I know that she just had a baby toward the end of last year, but this is really an awful look for her. Just because you're carrying some baby weight, doesn't mean that you have to dress like this. Look at Maggie Gyllenhall for an example of looking fabulous shortly after having a child.

Tina Fey
This is really close to being cute, but it's too short and winds up looking a bit trashy. I think that the bottom part would have been really cute with a different top. It's definitely the top that's throwing the look off. It almost looks like she should be selling cigarettes in a seedy bar. Too bad, because Tina Fey is a really pretty funny woman, but I don't think she expected her outfit to look like a joke.

Vanessa Williams
Damn! This whole thing is just overkill, from the fried, huge hair, to the awful fur shrug, to the bizarre dress. And like Eva Longoria, it looks like the rubberbands took hold at the waist and knee area on this dress as well. It would be a really nice color on her if it weren't such a hideous dress.

Sienna Miller
I think that she must have been a bit confused. Maybe she thought that she was going to the chapel with on-again-off-again beau Jude Law. Even at an event like the Golden Globes, you shouldn't need a maid of honor to fix your train.

Renée Zellweger
I have sort of a love-hate relationship with Renee's fashion. Sometimes she's so cute, and other times, she's...well...she's like this photo. I don't even think that it's the dress I hate so much as it is her pose and icy-pouty stare. I think it's pretty tough for anyone to pull that look off.

Eva Longoria
She's one of the hottest women alive, but even she can't make this dress look good. First off is the seemingly beaded macrame straps that hit right below her breasts. Then the rubberbands that attached themselves at the waist and under the knee. I don't know about anyone else, but I don't like anything that makes me bulge between my girls and waist area - such as a macrame atrocity and a rubberband.

Sarah Paulson
I don't know what the full ensemble looks like, but the earrings are awful. They look like something you get out of a gumball machine or out of my niece's dress-up collection. Too bad, because she's such a cute girl.

Nicollette Sheridan
No, her feet didn't suddenly explode. This is simply an example of why the mermaid-style dress looks good on no one - not even someone as smoking hot as Nicollette Sheridan. Oh, and she needs to stop taking posing tips from Renée Zellweger, because the icy-pouty-almost-smile look doesn't work for Sheridan either.

Jennifer Love Hewitt
Too much fabric, and the bow on the front looks quite juvenile. Also, the color does little for her. This dress makes her hips look as big as mine, and that would be something really disappointing for someone who has access to nutritionists, personal trainers, and plastic surgeons, and who has a job that requires that you work out and eat well for a living.