Moving along

So, things have been getting a bit better again. I went to Chicago last week/end for a few days for my grandma's funeral, and it was difficult (as was expected) but also somewhat fun (totally unexpected). The difficult part was saying goodbye to grandma and trying to work through the feelings that I had about her passing and my failure to visit her more often, especially in the end. But the fun part was seeing some family that I hadn't seen in many years and realizing that there are people related to me who I hardly even know. My aunt, A., and cousin, H., came down from Minnesota for the funeral, and I hadn't seen them in probably 16-17-ish years. Since I was pre-teen brat at that point, and my cousin was about 5-6 years younger, I recall not really liking her that much because we had nothing in common.

This time around, it was different because we are both older and wiser, and had in common the passing of our grandmother. We stayed in a hotel in De Kalb and spent a lot of time catching up and learning about one another again, and it was really nice to hear about her and her brothers (who could not make it, unfortunately). We left this time promising to stay in better touch and not let years go by before we meet up again.

Grandma's funeral and burial were nice. My dad did a great job pulling everything together, and we were thankful that the funeral home provided a limo and driver to take us between the service and her burial site 45 minutes away. It gave us the necessary time to process what we experienced at the service and her viewing, before laying her to rest. The pastor rode with us in the limo, and we had a nice chat with her about her experience becoming a pastor so late in life. After the burial, we went over to a cousin's house in Marseilles for drinks and food, and had a nice time catching up with everyone who came. All in all, it was a nice day and something that I'm sure that grandma would have loved. We had many wonderful stories to tell about her and how much of an impact she had on us all. She will be missed dearly.

I'm still working through some of the grief and guilt. I met with my counselor yesterday and have been praying a lot. Somehow, this has hit me in a way I wasn't quite expecting. But I'm getting through it and I'm thankful for everyone who sent cards or emails and comments to let me know that I'm in their thoughts and prayers.