Spinsters

Last night, I was working late at the office when the janitor, W., came by. He's a friendly, cheerful fellow from China and although a bit tough to understand at times, he sure likes to chat. One of my favorite things he does is ask me whether he can empty the waste basket and recycling bin in my office. I always want to chuckle, but he asks it so seriously as though I might put up a fight that he's carting away the trash, and as I don't want to offend him, I always answer back cheerfully, "yes, please do. Thank you!"

Recently, I've been working late quite a bit as I try to finish up stuff for my last job and ramp up for my new one. So, W. has made an effort to get to know me better, since our paths are crossing quite frequently now. I also suppose that as a night-time janitor it is nice to have some human contact in an otherwise lonely building.

Our conversation last night included how to correctly pronounce my name and whether I was married and had children. I told him that I was indeed married for just under a year, but did not have children. When asked how old I was, I answered 31.

This got him to talking about his daughter, who is 30 and unmarried. More than that, she does not have a boyfriend or love interest. This is of great concern to W. He worries that she is becoming a spinster, and discussed the tragedy of older women who are unable to find mates. He is working hard and wants to bring her here to find a husband, because he wants her to be happy. This got me to thinking about the single guys who work late in our building. I'm curious whether W. has tried telling them about his daughter in the hopes that she might land a software engineer. I can only imagine the conversation, but it makes me smile.

Anyway, I tried telling him that it will happen if it's meant to be, but I'm not sure my meaning came across. I realize that my attitude is probably different than a lot of people, Chinese or not, especially considering that I told my own (current) husband that I didn't have a need to get remarried after my divorce and that I find kids to be a kind of take-it-or-leave it proposition. But I found it sweet that this woman has a father who is so concerned about her, especially from a country where women are not prized and female babies are often given up or killed in order to try and procure a son. It was clear that his concern was not just cultural, but caring. He wants her to be happy and have a family, and I can only hope that it will happen for her if it's in the cards and her wish as well.