Driving tips

Every morning as I'm driving to work, I'm mystified by the things I see people doing on the road. People seem to have lost all of their driving skills. I'm not saying that I'm Mario Andretti, but I at least try to be a courteous driver.

For your enjoyment, I've compiled a list of things that absolutely boggle my mind and I'm hoping you may read it and become a better, more enlightened driver.

1. Using blinkers. I swear that new cars come with blinkers; but to look at the general population on the road, you'd think car manufacturers stopped making them after the mid nineties. Not true! I, in fact, own a car made in 2001 and it has blinkers! And it's not even an expensive car. What's even more astounding than that is that I actually use my blinkers!!! So please, please, pretty-please-with-sugar-on-top: give me a signal so that I know what the hell you're doing; I have enough trouble trying to keep my life straight without trying to be a road psychic.

2. Planning ahead. I can't even fathom the number of times I've nearly had a collision at 50-or-so mph due to a knucklehead who can't plan ahead for the exit he or she needs to make. (On a side note, these are usually the people who aren't using blinkers either, or I would have realized their need to get over and actually let them in!) Believe me - your procrastination won't help you make up time if we collide.

3. Paying attention. When you're going 60 mph on the freeway, it's not the time to suddenly be a chicken. If you turn your blinker on, chances are that someone will take pity on your soul and let you in. So pay attention; I am a kind person and will let people in who use their blinkers, but I get ticked when people wait all day to get over.

4. Doing dangerous things while driving. I kid you not - several months ago on my way home from work, I was behind a person reading a newspaper while driving. Needless to say, I sped my butt up and got away from them as fast as possible. This should really go without saying, but I'm finding less and less people with the common sense to make rational decisions: if you didn't get up in time to shave, put on makeup, read the morning paper, or any of these other suddenly-dangerous-at-60-mph-tasks - FORGET ABOUT IT! People aren't going to die if you have a five o'clock shadow or your cheeks don't have that rosy glow; they may however die if you have to slam on your brakes and jam a mascara wand in your eye, causing a terrible chain reaction.

5. Talking on the phone. OK, I'm not totally against talking on the phone while driving, but it makes sense to mitigate the risk by doing a few very simple things. First - remember that you are in a moving vehicle near other moving vehicles and that is your first priority. Second - get a headset so that your hands are free to steer, and yes, use your blinker. Third - pull over if you're trying to get directions from someone on the phone so that you don't make any sudden dumb movements in front of the rest of us.

6. Attending to non-driving tasks. Here's a thought - pick out a small musical selection *before* getting on the road and have it in a convenient place in case you need to change CDs. This isn't the time to grab your gianormous book of CDs and start flipping through them. Likewise, when eating in the car, prepare the things you'll need ahead of time - before leaving the parking lot; put the straw in your drink, unwrap your burger and arrange it so that the wrapper catches the drippings, etc.

So, that's pretty much my list. It's amazing how such a small number of things can completely unravel me by the time I make it to the office. But I guess you have to multiply those 6 categories by the hundreds of people on the road and you catch my drift. So, don't be one of those people - just don't.